ASK THE DIVORCE COACH©, SUSAN ALLAN

PROFIT OR PROPHET?

 During your marriage, or divorce, what is the most important to you; Profit or Prophet? Are you left-brained, focused on finances and the bottom line or are you interested in the overview, the emotional connection? If each family member does not understand that there are 4 human thinking styles, according to Herrmann Brian Dominance™, it can be challenging to resolve any issue.

Remember the last argument you had with your spouse? Your divorce may be two years of THAT! However, if you choose a “third party” to be present during discussions, you may create a peaceful solution to your issues; and you may even avoid divorce. When selecting a “third-sider”, you must first assess the mediator's expertise in advance of the meeting. Ask yourself, “are you more interested in profit or prophet and what is important to my spouse? Do you want the financial or emotional components to be in the forefront? In order to negotiate properly you may also wish to prepare yourself with a number of “non-negotiable demands”; knowing that after you and your partner consider each other's wants and needs that you may each decide to settle for less.

“We accomplish as much as we feel that we're worth. However, on another level, we have to learn to accept and not reject our fear. To accept it not as an abandonment of our self but as part of the path to be open to receive what we ask for.” Frank Zizzo, Ph.D., Studio City

Dear Divorce Coach,

I am a social worker with a psychotherapy practice.  I am in the process of divorce. My wife is attempting to lay claim to the value of my practice.  My attorney has advised me to find out how to evaluate the value of my practice which I claim has little value because a psychotherapy cannot really be sold.  Can you recommend how I can get the value appraised?

Sincerely yours,

Cash and Carried Away

Dear Cash,

Your question is excellent as you clearly understand the difficulty of putting a price on potential. However, this is a standard problem for Divorce Financial Analysts and Dissolution Experts who possess the expertise you require. I urge you to consult with Michael Krycler, CPA, in Sherman Oaks who we have found to be the most helpful.

Sincerely yours,

Ask The Divorce Coach,

Susan Allan

Dear Divorce Coach,

Tell me how you find peace and forgiveness when your ex-spouse is abusive and keeps coming at you with all their might? Through close family members, children, friends, even the law? Tell me how a person is going to heal when the wound is re-opened daily?

Sincerely yours,

Wound and Wound We Go

Dear Wound,

I know that you may feel frightened that your need for physical safety isn't met and enraged that you cannot find the support you need. If you wish a 1 hour free phone session to explain how I turned my own life around from abused wife to free woman let me know the best day/time. Sometimes, learning a new way of listening and speaking to your spouse can have remarkable results; and sometimes it is essential to find a new home for yourself and your children.

Sincerely yours,

Ask The Divorce Coach,

Susan Allan

Sometimes, it is difficult to assess your priorities, particularly when you worry about your children's needs. Have you separated your own issues from theirs? Often couples stay together “for the children” but have you asked yourself, is that true? Children have an overriding ability to adjust to circumstances when their needs for emotional and physical security and peace are met. Does life with you and your partner offer peace? Sometimes, the fear that a partner feels is so great that separation is preferable. However, what may be true for other couples is that the shock of separation and divorce may trigger terror and grief for one or both parents. Often it would be easier to stay together until the parents do the emotional work on themselves so that they can handle the future. Does this scenario sound familiar to you? Or are you concerned about your wife or husband's ability to handle life without you?

For support to improve your marriage please look for our new website, www.themarriageforum.com and for one hour of free, private telephone coaching, contact susanallan@thedivorceforum.com Featured on The LA Daily News' BookTalk™ 818-788-9722 x 3655 For 101 Divorce Survival Secrets, and free E-zine, visit www.thedivorceforum.com .