ASK THE DIVORCE COACH©, SUSAN ALLAN

Did you know that in 2001, 60% of all American marriages ended in divorce? By 2005, 70% of our marriages are expected to end. My research shows that our second marriages are less successful. What can we do? Why do we get divorced? How can we avoid divorce? As The Divorce Coach©, I will answer your questions in this ongoing column.

Why should you endure a divorce that rivals The California Gold Rush for greed and desperation? How can you avoid the most common errors in divorce? You will read excerpts from the 101 Tips to Survive Divorce booklet so that you may develop essential “divorce skills”. Future columns will offer exercises to process your emotions and create a new life, by immersing yourself in THE 7 STAGES of DIVORCE©: Panic, Denial, Agony, Rage, Epiphany, Negotiation & Peace. Each week, articles will include secrets from my upcoming book, Divorce: The Marry-Go-Round© or How to Save your Money, Your Sanity or Your Life. You will be offered training in 100 techniques such as Nonviolent Communication and Herrmann Brain Dominance Thinking Styles.

I created The Divorce Forum® seminars and the website, www.thedivorceforum.com , to present strategies that I had discovered myself for surviving and healing. Since 1999, 2 million people have visited the website to “Ask the Divorce Coach©” and to ask our other experts how to avoid pitfalls in legal, financial, parenting, health and emotional issues.

The mission of this column is to provide answers to your most difficult questions during divorce. We will look at divorce being one path to enlightenment and personal growth, and it will offer a dramatic paradigm shift in divorce to each of you. Whether your divorce will make you more loving and more peaceful or whether you will become embittered and fearful is up to you and not up to your spouse.

Peace isn’t going to find us; we have to find peace and that is the mission of The Divorce Forum®.

Divorce can be the Hero’s Journey; your private odyssey. There is an opportunity inherent for everyone in the process of divorce. This column will demonstrate a route from pain to your very own Declaration of Independence through mourning and final healing. When you email your questions to susanallan@thedivorceforum.com, I will respond. In addition to my advice, there will be answers from prominent Santa Monica experts: Mark Patt, Esq., managing partner of Trope and Trope, largest family law firm in Los Angeles; Deanie Kramer, “Divorce Court Television” mediator; Michael Krycler of Krycler, Ervin, Schreiber and Walheim, a prominent accounting firm specializing in family law litigation issues and “Advice Lawyer”, Dan Brecher, Esq. Other questions will be answered by experts in health and parenting including Dr. Patricia Fitzgerald, of The Santa Monica Wellness Center; Sally Franz, Rev. Bernard Goodman and William Stierle of Corporate Culture.

Who can benefit from coaching? The value of divorce coaching© has been experienced by entire families and since divorce affects almost 100% of the population, your results may be extensive. For some of my clients, their marriage ends before it begins. Love can be the “Evolving Door” and you may discover different feelings and needs as your marriage progresses. Others try to save their relationship, but may lack crucial communication skills. In this column, couples will learn how to reconnect. Coaching may create a door you can walk through together. For parents, this may seem miraculous.

Learn The 4 Steps to divorce: During Step 1. Protection, one client discovered how to create safety for herself and her children by learning new ways to discuss her needs with her husband. In Step 2. Legal measures, another client learned skills to interview different attorneys and received referrals. I had a client who dealt with Step 3. Compromise, through options for negotiation. The most important considerations in Step 4. Healing are the training that clients receive in considering different styles of therapy and healing.

How can you understand the divorce process? Why ask The Divorce Coach©? This is the first holistic healing for divorce. When we begin to heal the different Stages; AGONY, PANIC or RAGE, we begin on the surface, dealing with what is directly in front of us. As we continue with the healing, deeper layers of pain are healed and may disappear. Divorce Coaching© allows you to reach the 7th STAGE, PEACE, and to move from the painful past to a peaceful future. None of us is prepared for a divorce; some marriages end amicably, some end with bitterness and financial ruin. More than half of all divorces render one or both partners homeless. The emotions are not only experienced by our conscious minds, these feelings reach deeply into our souls. Even if you are a determined and rational person, divorce can reach you “where you live”. For advice from the experts, send your questions to susanallan@thedivorceforum.com or call 818-314-1200. I look forward to our dialogue in this column and to providing answers, examples and issues that you may face in your divorce process.